Practice Makes Patterns

Reflections on Ways Patterns Support Our Relationships

As September began, I flipped the month in my Molly Costello calendar and read “Practice makes patterns…” You can see her print here.

What if the goal of practice isn’t perfection but the creation of patterns?

This phrase caught my attention because it referenced, yet challenged, the familiar adage, “practice makes perfect.”

Other words for patterns might be routines or habits; they shape our schedules, our interactions, and our relationships.

What patterns might we notice that help or hinder an evolving relationship with creativity?

If, upon seeing a creation or performance by another, we respond with “I could never do that,” we participate in a pattern of comparison and the denial of our own potential.

A simple shift might be a practice of noticing this internal speech and instead saying, “I wonder how they learned to do that?” a stance that invites wonder and curiosity about another’s journey and the potential to find connections to one’s own story.

Routines and Rituals in Relationships

In a blog post on her website, psychotherapist and relationship expert, Esther Perel describes the role of routines and rituals in relationships.

Routines are concrete repetitive actions that help us develop skills while creating continuity and order. They ground us and create familiarity. Rituals, on the other hand, are routines that are elevated by creativity, driven by intention, and imbued with meaning. They lift us up and create excitement. They also help us say goodbye and process loss.

Esther Perel and Mary Alice Miller

This quote feels significant now as we enter fall and the back to school season. It is a season that emphasizes routines that will ground us and carry us through the school year. Even if we are no longer in school, summer often includes vacation, travel or transition; fall signifies a return to routine.

I find myself exploring new routines with the spaciousness of having both kids away at college this fall. I miss the ritual of first day of school photos and checking in each night at dinner. We have a routine of text conversation through a family group chat, including first day of school selfies to satisfy mom’s nostalgia. Longer, planned weekly phone calls feel like the central ritual of family connection in this season.

I’m also aware of how rituals ground us amid change. We have a famliy ritual of sharing gratitudes before dinner each night. In the past, we sometimes skipped this practice if not everyone was home. Now, with just two of us at home, Chad and I have recommitted to this practice as a couple. It feels like an acknowledgement of the shift in our household and an opportunity to center gratitude as we navigate the new season of an empty nest.

Through repetition, routines and rituals both help us to delineate space and time. They create predictable structures, grounding rhythms, and a calming, stabilizing effect.

Esther Perel and Mary Alice Miller

The grounding offered by rituals and routines can also help to hold us through challenging times. Similarly, a regular creative practice, helps us to show up even when we don’t feel as inspired.

As the season changes from summer to fall, what rituals and routines offer you patterns of continuity amid change?

What new patterns do you notice emerge with the start of a new season?

Monarch Visitor Update

Observing caterpillar growth this season, I notice how much they change even within each stage. The photos left and center show caterpillars after shedding an old and too small skin. The photo on the right shows tiny caterpillars below a large one to show just how much they grow. The process of shedding and emerging anew happens several times in the caterpillar; it feels like practice for the larger transformation into a chrysallis and butterfly.

Top photos show the bright green chrysallis and how it darkens and turns transparent revealing the wings inside just before the butterfly emerges. The lower two photos are one butterfly that flew to my blouse and then climbed up my shoulder across my ear and onto my head before taking flight.

Thank you for reading and being a part of creative community through this newsletter.

With a grateful heart,

Kathryn

At the opening of Teeny Tiny Trifecta in Charlottesville.

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