Remembering, Honoring, Letting Go
Letting go of expectations, having faith in each other and curiosity for how things unfold feels central in my practice right now.
I would love to hear how this is true for you too.
Practices around transitions and endings...
Remembering, Honoring and Letting Go
Last week I began a newsletter for May about peer relationships and creative practices. I was enjoying the writing and excited to share some ideas that have been coming together in my practice. And then the week took several turns that took me away from writing and work.
So, I find myself in this first week of June sending a newsletter on a different topic. I want to share some ideas on endings and specifically on practices related to grieving: remembering, honoring and letting go.
We said goodbye to our dog, Kona, last week. This prompted a shift to thinking about loss and specifically about creative practices that serve in times of loss.
In the face of so much loss in the last year, I was hesitant to write about the loss of our dog. It's a big deal to me, but is it okay to share this? As I moved through the past week, I realized our process with remembering and honoring Kona was also a chance to reflect on practices for grieving and mourning. There is something universal in the experience of loss and in the practices that can serve us as we remember, honor and celebrate those we love. These are creative practices.
Kona was 14 and a half and had been with us since she was a puppy. I am grateful her last and most fragile year coincided with this year at home. It has been hard to adjust to our house without her presence. In the past week, we have been revisiting memories of her life and honoring all the ways she was a companion to our children through their childhoods. My son printed and framed a photo and set it on a table in the living room, soon after my husband added her collar and a poem from the vet. I've added artwork the kids created over the years and another poem. These items remind us of her presence and help remember and celebrate her life.
This week my son graduates from high school; this is a much-anticipated event. We are grateful for a chance to celebrate him in person after such a uniquely challenging school year. I said to a friend last week that I just needed to finish mourning Kona so we could fully celebrate Ryan. And then I realized the impossibility of my expectation; I can't create a timeline for when we will be "done" remembering Kona. Graduation is a celebration and a marker of a transition for our family as Ryan prepares to leave for college in the fall. That will bring its own brew of emotions and mixed in there will still be the sadness at losing Kona.
The practice I am learning around endings is one of letting go. And yet, the surprise is I find is that it's not just about letting go of Kona or letting go of a certain stage of parenting. It's about letting go of expectations, responsibility and control. It is about developing a posture of openness to how our story continues to unfold, with expected milestones and events like graduation and ones more outside our control like loss of loved ones. The chance to remember and honor reminds me of all the surprises and unexpected joys along the way in my journey. It reminds me to maintain an outlook of welcome and curiosity in the midst of change.
One of the people who helped me through Kona's last few months was Kathy Callahan. In this time of transition, I relate to her book 101 Rescue Puppies: One Family's Story of Fostering Dogs, Love, and Trust . She writes about how fostering rescued puppies has been a part of her family's life, including teenage years and the transition of children to young adulthood.
I particularly relate to her Epilogue on letting the puppies go. She writes about faith, the faith she has in the dogs, in the people who adopt them and in the connections formed. Throughout the book her stories share examples of this faith through her posture of openness to finding the right family for each dog and then trusting the dogs and people to grow together.
For me the feeling of faith she describes is the one I have in working with art in community. It is the time when I can put aside expectations and welcome the wonder of seeing how things unfold. It is when I get to see people surprise themselves with how much more they are capable of than they may have first believed.
Sharing stories of letting go of expectations and having faith in each other and curiosity for how things unfold feels central in my practice right now. I would love to hear how this is true for you too.
101 Rescue Puppies: One Family's Story of Fostering Dogs, Love, and Trust by Kathy Callahan
I first met Kathy when she was the PTA president at my son's elementary school his kindergarten year. We worked together on a committee to support arts integration at the school and she was warm and welcoming to me as a new to elementary school parent. Now, when I think of Kathy, I think of how many families I know that have beloved pets once fostered as puppies in her home. Our dog, Java, is one of them. Here he is with the book.
My kids and I tend to have different interests when it comes to media but the one thing we all follow and enjoy is Kathy's instagram - you can find her @puppy.picks Her posts are a source of joy, laughter and connection.
Thank you for reading and being a part of creative community through this newsletter.
With a grateful heart,
Kathryn